Boundaries...

So, I am going to say something I thought I'd never say, but, young people need boundaries, especially teens pre-18. I have these students born and raised in rather afluent families. The parents have assumed an attitude where they are always asking the kids whether they want to do this or that... One of my students, has an audition on tuesday. He was having a tamtrum, would not leave the car parked outside my house. I saw him and hiw mom "negotiating" the terms of his next action. Then I saw the mother come out of the car furious, and nocks on my door, with money for the lesson, telling me N did not want to sing to day. That normally he is happy to be here but today he just refused to sing. So, I took the money, but I said to her, let me handle this. I went up to the car, and said to N, "I don't know exactly what is going on, but I know that what you are doing is rude, and you owe me an explanation, so get your ass out of the car and into my house, and we talk inside." His mom was pleasantly surprised to see N jump our of the car in obedience to me. Now, understand, I am never like this. I normaly don't care what students decide to do or not. But I also deal with older students who are responsible and don't put me in situations like this. The mother was very impressed that I did not allow for discussion, N just did what I said. N had never seen me mad before, and so I guess my strong tone of voice maybe scared the crap out of him too. But, once inside, after I explain to him how lucky he was, I said, "I don't care what issues you have now, you have a responsibilty and a commitment you must fulfill. And we are going to work, and you are going to sing, and sing well, and you are going to have a hell of an audition on tuesday. Maybe other people will let you off the hook easy, I won't." so we worked, and after 20 minutes of warm ups and other actitivties he was smiling and happy, and ready to do his work.My point with all of this, I sense that kids today are left to make their own decisions too soon. They don't even know what they want. And it is parents and mentors' job, to guide, and sometimes to guide you have to command. Kids are many times confused by their own parents mixed signals. "Honey, do you feel like eating now or later? do you want to eat with us, or alone? should I bring the meal to your room? should I leave it on the fridge for you so you can warm it up later?" Fuck that, in my famly when I grew up if you did not eat, you did not eat. An opportunity lost was lost forever, and you were made feel guilty for not taking advantage. I am not saying that we should go back to the old method of guilt and punishment, but I think teens are already confused enough about their own problems, their identity confusion, peer pressure, etc etc etc, and the last thing they need is parents who give them no sense of structure, and who gives them mixed signals. Kids are many times, simply not mature enough to structure and raise themselves. The kind of guidance they need is clear... thet just need to know the rules and know they have to play by them. No wonder so many kids are ADD, and manic depressive, their parents give them no center, to focus on... Anyway, I had to blow off that steam. I am just happy that my instincts were right and what I did worked. When the mother came to pick up N, he was all happy and smiling and even sang for her.