Montag, 6. August 2007
Dreams and ...
Today was an interesting day. Almost did not sleep thinking about Gilbert's dilema with his syllabus (how caring of me...) had weird dreams about staging a new opera based on the legend of Faust, it was in English, and it sounded like a musical but with many French accents musically. LOL. Anyway, the other dream involved two former mentors whom are dead now. They telling me what they think my mission of the suture should be. Yeah, their voices are still ver loud in my head eventhough one of them died already about 3 years ago and it has been many more years since I last saw him. Other dreams I had will be better left untold. Woke up, had a snak (not a breakfast) LOL worked out, showered, talked to Alfredo and Antonio online. Then I went to to see my dentist. Clean bill of bucal health. Made bank deposits, got gas for my car and then back home to teach. When I checked my Yahoo account, I found my friend Jon, from California in tears. His mother took it upon herself to read the text messages on his cell phone, and discovered Jon's true sexuality. She inmediatelly told the father, and he was confronted. He was told he could say in the house, and did have to go to church, but he had to leave his bf. He could not live with this arrangement. So Jon's dad kicked him out of his house. Now he is looking for a place to stay, and try to reconstruct his life. Now, I thought this sort of things only happened in third world countries, but no, in sunny California a pair of parents rather see their son in the street, maybe with less supervision, because he is gay, rather than accept one boyfriend in the house which could have been a nice monogamous situation. Needless to say, Jon was devastated, and very much in fear at that time. Our conversation was interrupted by my student, and so we will try to talk more later. He was writing from a public library.Anyways, lessons went fine. Sometimes I think I learn more from students than they from me. They don't know how much. The one thing that is obvious to me now, is that what happenes to one person happens to many, and those of us that have lived a tag longer should do what we can to help guide. Maybe this is what in the dream of my mentors were trying to fortell me. And yes, the human experience gets richer and richer, but all inovations are but tiny steps. No one invents anything new, just recycled what others waste, or did not noticed as valuable. It is all lessons, and it is all small steps.Now off to dinner, and then may I sit and read some more.
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6 Kommentare:
didn't know you teach... cool.Sorry about your friend, Jon.
I talked to Jon again in the evening. He was still very confused on what to do next. He was staying with Hien, but that cannot work for very long since Hien has not enough room. So, anyways, he will be fine I am sure. Jon is strong. But a blow like that sometimes it's hard to take.Yes I teach. I take pride on that.
Right... blows like that are devastating. I wonder what my parents would do if they knew I screwed men. Haha...
hmmm... I thought you were out... I guess out has many meanings... it is easy to be out to people you are just meeting, but being out to people who cared about you since you were a baby, I think the real test is there... One can be brave in foreign lands and with new friends, people one barely knows. Harder is to look into the mirror. I hope you don't think this is about you, but many gay people often find it so easy to want to out everyone who is potentially gay, not knowing why it is so hard for some people to come out, and that if anything, it has to be done in their own time on their own terms. I am glad we are having this conversation.
coming out really doesn't make sense in my case - my parents just won't get it. They wouldn't disown me or anything like that - they'll just get really depressed and worry needlessly in hope that the devil in me would come out.
Bingo, you just mentioned one of the reasons why so many people don't come out, the pain they fear will cause to love ones, and the religious aspect. In your mind you have come out and you are in good shape, but in the back of your mind you worry about the feelings of your loved ones. However, none of this shuold deter you from being whom you are, sooner or later your loved ones will just have to accept the fact that you are your own person. What happened to Jon was not that much different. He was out to everyone, except his parents, in the end, it was religion, politics, and tradition what got him disowned. Again, thanks for talking to me abot this.
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