Misdiagnosed!!!

I went to promptcare the other day, because the clinique where I normaly go was already closed. i told them I was sure I have strepthroat. They run the test and it came out negative. They flu tests, and all negative. So, they concluded I had Virremia...anyways, I thought I was getting better with the medicine they had given me. But last night in the evening, my temperature began to rise again. This time to 104.7. I went to my regular doctor this morning. I told her everything that was wrong with me. I told her that I suspected I had strepthroat, but I was diagnosed with virremia. She said she thought my diagnosis was right, but she needed to run some tests. She did. Tested me for mono and strep. Nd sure enough, it was strep. I asked her why did the test at prompt care did not reveal strep. She said it was probably done incomplete. ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!! I was so mad. She gave me a shot, and pills. I am just now beginning to regain some sense of normalcy. I was fucking dying of pain this morning. I am just glad that someone knows what they are doing.

Getting better

Yesterday night I spent the most horrible time ever. I had a temperature of a 103.1 degrees, I had shivers all over my body. I had a headache that severed my head in two, and had horrible stomach and muscle pain. The cause: Virremia, some airborn flu like virus, that is just there like all the others... I took myself to the health center, and well, they run all kinds of tests. They sent me home with medication and today I feel so much better. I want to worship the feet of the person who invented Codeine... LOL I slept a full night, and guess what? I am going back to bed. Yesterday I had one student cancellation, and I cancelled the last 2. Ended up ony teaching one person, and though I did the best I could, I felt like shit doing it. Anyways, I hope to be better soon to get back to my routines and my fun life.

Vday and today

Well, I hate V day, like many people do. A perfectly superflous money scheme to get people to buy chocolates, get pimples, put on weight amd get laid... which in turn makes more costumers for the future. It's a perfect monetary scheme. Since Chocolates are also addicting, the scam is complete. Anways, evethough I hate V day, yesterday I had a chance to experience the nice side of Valetines which is friendship. My friend M, came to visit me for lunch with a bottle of fins California Merlot. I was actually surprised, because normally prefer European reds, but this one was so good. So we had some of my favorite home dishes, Rice and Beans in a mixture called Gallo Pinto, which includes garlic, tabasco, and light ham. Since it is a country dish, its simple and it can ither take meat or anything else as protein, I made egs fried over easy on olive oil. M devoured it, and was all happy. So we moved into the living room and talk, and ate cookies over wine. The result was a nice level f drunkness. It did not take much since neither one of us drinks much. It is wonderful to feel buzzed with just a little wine, and not more. You don't sick of your stomach, and the effect is delightful. Wine has that strange quality that makes people feel good and laugh. And that is what M and I did, laugh. We laugh so hard, my abs hurt, and I discovered many of his hidden side of personality, which was needless to say, great. Once I picked up from the airport, and this crazy guy sang all the way through, making limoric rhymes, eventhough he is not Irish but German decent. That day I could have had an accident, also because we laughed so hard. M, and I have been good buddies now for about 8 months, and the friendship just keeps on getting strong. At the end of the whole meeting, I could not help but hugged him and wish him a happy V day. Yes, it felt right. He was very sweet and reciprocated. I took him home and kissed him good bye.This morning, I woke up with a weird feeling on the throat. Started coughing. So, the whole day today I have been in bed, drinking my teas, and multiple medicines including my favorite "Codeine." While sleeping I had this dream about beats entering my kitchen through the window. There was an lion, a bear, and cubs, and then this one animal that I could not recognize. Shapped like a seal, but huge, and very hairy. Had legs and and arms unlike seals. The creature instead of attacking winked... I am still trying to figure out what it meant. I found a guitar, and pushed against them,... in the end it was just the walking seal... who left quickly. I woke up. I was going to have a heavy teaching day and like by magic, my first student called to reschedule. I was so happy for a change to have to reschedule someone given how I feel. I am slowly feeling better, but whatever this bug is, better be gone soon, or I will kick its ass.More in the future, the quest for the return to Ithaca continues.

Nelson Mandela quote

This is something that has inspired me, and see me through some rough times. I since have shared t with friends who also told me it helped them as soon as they read it. I don't want to make this a chain letter, hate those, share it if you feel like you want to."Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Nelson Mandela  

Boundaries...

So, I am going to say something I thought I'd never say, but, young people need boundaries, especially teens pre-18. I have these students born and raised in rather afluent families. The parents have assumed an attitude where they are always asking the kids whether they want to do this or that... One of my students, has an audition on tuesday. He was having a tamtrum, would not leave the car parked outside my house. I saw him and hiw mom "negotiating" the terms of his next action. Then I saw the mother come out of the car furious, and nocks on my door, with money for the lesson, telling me N did not want to sing to day. That normally he is happy to be here but today he just refused to sing. So, I took the money, but I said to her, let me handle this. I went up to the car, and said to N, "I don't know exactly what is going on, but I know that what you are doing is rude, and you owe me an explanation, so get your ass out of the car and into my house, and we talk inside." His mom was pleasantly surprised to see N jump our of the car in obedience to me. Now, understand, I am never like this. I normaly don't care what students decide to do or not. But I also deal with older students who are responsible and don't put me in situations like this. The mother was very impressed that I did not allow for discussion, N just did what I said. N had never seen me mad before, and so I guess my strong tone of voice maybe scared the crap out of him too. But, once inside, after I explain to him how lucky he was, I said, "I don't care what issues you have now, you have a responsibilty and a commitment you must fulfill. And we are going to work, and you are going to sing, and sing well, and you are going to have a hell of an audition on tuesday. Maybe other people will let you off the hook easy, I won't." so we worked, and after 20 minutes of warm ups and other actitivties he was smiling and happy, and ready to do his work.My point with all of this, I sense that kids today are left to make their own decisions too soon. They don't even know what they want. And it is parents and mentors' job, to guide, and sometimes to guide you have to command. Kids are many times confused by their own parents mixed signals. "Honey, do you feel like eating now or later? do you want to eat with us, or alone? should I bring the meal to your room? should I leave it on the fridge for you so you can warm it up later?" Fuck that, in my famly when I grew up if you did not eat, you did not eat. An opportunity lost was lost forever, and you were made feel guilty for not taking advantage. I am not saying that we should go back to the old method of guilt and punishment, but I think teens are already confused enough about their own problems, their identity confusion, peer pressure, etc etc etc, and the last thing they need is parents who give them no sense of structure, and who gives them mixed signals. Kids are many times, simply not mature enough to structure and raise themselves. The kind of guidance they need is clear... thet just need to know the rules and know they have to play by them. No wonder so many kids are ADD, and manic depressive, their parents give them no center, to focus on... Anyway, I had to blow off that steam. I am just happy that my instincts were right and what I did worked. When the mother came to pick up N, he was all happy and smiling and even sang for her.

So this is how it goes...

This morning I went to the gym with my friend JR. He is a totally cool straight guy I met recently, and he suggested we should go running. So we went too the SRSC, and I have never been to a gym before, really. For the last past year, all my exercises I have done them at home, with videos, and dumbbells. Well, JR and I started doing the usual warm ups and stretches then I run a mile, because I am not used to running so I figure 1 miles would be plenty (which it was) to get me sweating. JR did an mile and a half. Anyways, whole JR was doing his extra half a mile, I went to the weight room, and suddenly I see this old friend of mine, someone I have not seen in more than 2 years. He was acting just like Jack in Will & Grace. I will call him JJ as in JUST J, his name also starts with J. Anyways, JJ saw me, and he started dancing and prancing around me with lascivious eyes, and he is like. Ah, oh my god! is it you Ulises? Oh my god I can hardly recognize you, look so differentlicious,,, blah blah blah... kept on blabbin' oh goodness. You lost so much weight, you look like totally different person, like 10 years younger... blah blah blah... Before I knew it he was putting his hands on my and asking me my number... lol... it was so obvious... I honestly felt embarrased, because I am like new at this place, and he was making such a fuss. Actually, it was offensive, cause in pointing out how much better I look now, and in the way he said it, he was also saying how fat I was before. JJ used to be one of my definitions of hot, but sadly, he doesn't look like that anymore; and it was a bit obvious the tables had turned; not that I consider my self hot at all. I am just trying to get in shape, and be healthy, (and yes, I want to look hot... HAHAHA) but I know I am not there yet. My gym experience ended up a lot different than I expected it. I expected everyone to look awesome, and that was clearly not the case. Maybe I went at a weird time in the day. In regard to the work out machines, I enjoyed everything upper body. But I discovered that what I do at home, in many ways is way better. Just using your own weight, and holding it. I was not impressed with the ab machines, which place too much energy on places in your body that are not your abs. I like the fact that everything you need to get in shape is readily availible. That was perhaps the one thing I found most valuable, but I kinda feel that you have a good set of weights at home, the motivation, and some good videos, you can do this yourself, and save the money of great clothes, and shoes... what do you think?I will go back with JR to run, and maybe do the machines once a week. And as for JJ, now I know how it goes... the superficiality of it all, and the I talk to you if you are hot mentality... I hope never forget to want to be with people for who they are, and avoid the usual judgmental epitaphs.

Dreams and ...

Today was an interesting day. Almost did not sleep thinking about Gilbert's dilema with his syllabus (how caring of me...) had weird dreams about staging a new opera based on the legend of Faust, it was in English, and it sounded like a musical but with many French accents musically. LOL. Anyway, the other dream involved two former mentors whom are dead now. They telling me what they think my mission of the suture should be. Yeah, their voices are still ver loud in my head eventhough one of them died already about 3 years ago and it has been many more years since I last saw him. Other dreams I had will be better left untold. Woke up, had a snak (not a breakfast) LOL worked out, showered, talked to Alfredo and Antonio online. Then I went to to see my dentist. Clean bill of bucal health. Made bank deposits, got gas for my car and then back home to teach. When I checked my Yahoo account, I found my friend Jon, from California in tears. His mother took it upon herself to read the text messages on his cell phone, and discovered Jon's true sexuality. She inmediatelly told the father, and he was confronted. He was told he could say in the house, and did have to go to church, but he had to leave his bf. He could not live with this arrangement. So Jon's dad kicked him out of his house. Now he is looking for a place to stay, and try to reconstruct his life. Now, I thought this sort of things only happened in third world countries, but no, in sunny California a pair of parents rather see their son in the street, maybe with less supervision, because he is gay, rather than accept one boyfriend in the house which could have been a nice monogamous situation. Needless to say, Jon was devastated, and very much in fear at that time. Our conversation was interrupted by my student, and so we will try to talk more later. He was writing from a public library.Anyways, lessons went fine. Sometimes I think I learn more from students than they from me. They don't know how much. The one thing that is obvious to me now, is that what happenes to one person happens to many, and those of us that have lived a tag longer should do what we can to help guide. Maybe this is what in the dream of my mentors were trying to fortell me. And yes, the human experience gets richer and richer, but all inovations are but tiny steps. No one invents anything new, just recycled what others waste, or did not noticed as valuable. It is all lessons, and it is all small steps.Now off to dinner, and then may I sit and read some more.

busy Sunday...

so when I stopped writing I was idlying, now it is all busy and crazy.... put aways Xmas ornaments and tree, cooked 10 chicken thighs, and clean vacumed all my rugs, and those who know my house know how many rugs I have, not wall to wall just asian rugs... anyways... still looking at the window and enjoying the whiteness...

I lov...

I love Sundays, sleep late, work out, breakfast and then whatever, and the whatever part, is the exciting one... lol Outside, snow and sun, and the air is still. Hmmm I think I am going to look out the window.

This is just for Dunmomi

This just for you Dunmomi, cause other wise I would have not done it... LOLMy best wishes to you.